Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Pain-Body

Hi Friends,

I have read through Chapter 6. This book continues to open my eyes and help me understand myself as well as others. Now - with the explanation of the pain-body. It’s a good thing, because this here pain-body has been rearing it’s ugly head on me sporadically for the past year. I don’t want to go into explanations of what Tolle named the pain-body, I’ll just tell you what I took away...

“The ego cannot distinguish between a situation and its interpretation of and reaction to that situation.” The situation is what it is. “What is dreadful is your reaction, your inner resistance to it, and the emotion that is created by that resistance.” This is huge for me, because I was in the habit of blaming Arizona for my unhappiness. Many times, in so many words, I’ve stated “I would be happier if I lived somewhere else.” At first I was saying that I didn’t want to be here because I missed my family, and then I started saying that so many other places would be better than AZ - that it’s AZ that is just not doing it for me.

What I feel now is that I don’t have to love Arizona, and this new way of living isn’t going to MAKE me love it, but it will separate my dislike from ME. My situation is what it is. How I react to it determines my state of happiness.

Since reading this book, I still have moments where the “funk” creeps up on me. I got very annoyed at the pool recently because it’s so hot already, I couldn’t stand to be out there. I was mad that when I touched the metal chair it burned me. I started hating on AZ and getting mad at Jason for laying there, loving it. I know this is ridiculous behavior! Another day, I got a letter from my niece - the first letter she had ever thought out and written to me by herself - and it was beautiful and it made me cry, and my pain-body surfaced and I was once again sad about being here and being away from my family.

These types of situations would happen before and I would completely slip into a funk. My negative thoughts would feed into my pain-body and it would spiral down. Or, sometimes, I couldn’t even pinpoint my trigger - it would just feel like a bad mood - which would then led to the same thoughts of why am I here and I don’t want to be here and I’m miserable. This would also lead to problems with Jason, because the pain-body wants to be miserable and it wants to drag others down with you.

I have been able to break that pattern now - I have done it. I recognized my pain-body, and the negative thoughts and feelings did not immediately go away, but there was a separation between me and it. The negativity didn’t consume me for more than a few moments, which is a major improvement. I felt OK with how I felt, while also finding a peace with the present.

“The knowing needs to be followed by accepting. Accepting means you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling at that moment. Through allowing, you become what you are: vast, spacious. You become whole.”

2 comments:

Erika said...

Being in a bad mood is an interesting thing to think about after reading chapters 4-6. In the past, I have talked about just being in a bad mood. Just recently, I was going through some ups and downs in regards to teaching. I felt like I was in a slump, to put it lightly. I was just feeling angry. I am not really sure how I can get out of this slump, but I am doing my best to think positive in what I consider to be a negative situation. I am trying to make sure that these negative thoughts don't make me insane. What do you say to make yourself feel better? How do you deal with being away from your family? How can you bring light to what you consider to be a dark situation?

Kim said...

Thinking that something is a dark situation makes it a dark situation. What I'm trying to do now is not name it a messed up situation - because it is what it is. I feel better by bringing myself to the present moment. I tell myself "I don't like my job or I'm sad about being away from my family, but in this moment things are OK" I focus on my very presence and I'm ok with it. I don't like being far away from my family, but I like my home here and I like being with Jason. It's all about the present. I bring myself to that. I used to say I would be happier when I left QL but then it turned into I will be happier if find a better job than this one. I don't want to bank on things always out of my reach to make me whole.
It's so hard to explain this in concrete terms. I guess...if you think your career situation is bad, it's ok - allow for that. I think with true allowance there won't be attachment with your identity, your ego. There comes an acceptance and peace.

This makes sense to me and I don't think I know how to explain it. What I don't understand is when the suffering goes to a different level - like losing a loved one. I don't know how you would allow and be OK with your feelings about that and find peace. A yoga teacher addressed this and said some situations you can't be OK with - and he gave some answer that didn't answer it for me at all. Do you guys know what I'm saying? Lou, I thought you might have some insight on this...